After being dumped after a six-year relationship, I’ve had to deal with feels of loneliness and isolation and all that good stuff, but I’m coming out of it by moving away from home and remembering that I’m a competent motherfucker, motherfucker. There are things I want to do, dammit. Some of them are things that it would be nice to have someone go with, like world travel, someone who would also be interested in museums and cool old stuff and not so much in shopping.
That’s one thing I liked about committed relationship, being more or less guaranteed that someone was in your corner and liked doing things with you. But hell, I’ve gotten used to going into new churches by myself, maybe all I need to do to get used to traveling by myself is practice. Though there were times I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and it’s sometimes helpful to have someone with you who’s at least more decisive.
So I’ve been giving halfhearted thoughts about if and when I would date again. The pickings around my area are slim since I’m not into country-western dudebros, but the possibilities of the Internet are endless. Sometimes a little too endless.
So I had a thought. HGTV is the channel I turn on for background noise or when there’s nothing else on. So I’ve watched my share of House Hunters. So what if there was a Date Hunters? That might be the kind of help I need, someone to manage online profiles for me and cull out the creepers and assholes and creepy assholes and narrow it down to guys I might actually like. Because though being female pretty much guarantees me to be awesome at online dating, I don’t consider it particularly awesome to be bombarded with “hurr hurr, slob my knob” messages, which I have on good authority is what happens all the time.
Bonus: Not seeing the “hurr hurr, slob my knob” messages will encourage me to be possibly romantically sociable instead of thinking that dying alone with my corpse feasted on by my horde of housecats is the best option available.
And after being burned by my imploding engagement, I’m naturally cautious of making the same mistakes again. And having never been on an online dating site (who wants to pay for that anyway?), I don’t know if it’s anything like looking for houseplans. I can navigate those sites: two to three bedroom, less than three thousand square feet. I found a new non-bullshit site that allows you to search for features like fireplaces and library/office space and by architectural style. Guys, I’ve found I really like the Southwestern style houses with the adobe and the arches and the big covered porches.
But back to dude-browsing. I’m no longer sure what I’m really looking for, but I do have some ideas. Basics: nonsmoking, compatible interests. Newly learned priorities: realistic and compatible expectations about romantic relationships, can respect and set boundaries without being a fucking asshole.
Other than that, not so sure. My ex-dude is a romantic, and I’m not so much, but I still don’t know if that was a good or bad thing, though I know it contributed to our different expectations in romantic relationships. Also, I’m still on the fence as to whether I want kids, but I know for damn sure I won’t have more than two, probably not more than one. I know I don’t have the resources for a large family, physical or emotional. It would be kinda convenient if I turned out to be sterile—decision made for me—but that wouldn’t solve my problems when it comes to nosy assholes who consider childless women to be the most pathetic things in existence. And it’s worse if you aren’t in sackcloth and ashes about childlessness, let alone if you enjoy it.
But as older people keep reminding me, I’m young and I have plenty of time. Online dating can wait until I can afford the subscriptions.